How To Stop Comparing Myself To His Ex Of Eight Years
How To Stop Comparing Myself To His Ex Of Eight Years – Nothing kills the joy of a relationship like that nagging feeling that your world still hasn’t completely gotten over his ex. Whether you found him scrolling through his IG feed, or doing something even more dignified, these behaviors can leave you wondering… “Does he still love me?”
“If your new boyfriend is constantly talking about his ex, spending time on the phone with her, meeting her without including you, comparing you in a way that makes you feel less than her, all of these still show the possibility of this. to be related to him in some way,” says Jane Greer, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of “What About Me? Preventing identity from ruining your relationship.”
How To Stop Comparing Myself To His Ex Of Eight Years
But honestly, any behavior that gives you a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach is enough to consider re-evaluating your relationship status. “Something is a red flag if it causes you significant and persistent unpleasant feelings such as hurt, anxiety, doubt, anger, insecurity, frustration, or feeling disrespected,” says Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona. Psy.D.
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In other words, if your partner does any (or all) of the following, they can still hold a candle to their former flame.
It’s not entirely fair to expect him to completely shut his ex out of his life – unless it’s pretty obvious she’s still hot for his form – because that’s not cool. But if they talk all the time, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that he still has feelings for her. “Either he feels guilty about leaving her, or he’s not over it,” Greer said. “It’s still very involved. If so, talk to him to see if he’s really ready to be in a new relationship with you.”
It can also be unhealthy in general, says licensed family therapist David Klow, owner of Skylight Counseling Center in Chicago and author
. “Talking to an ex will often bring back some good feelings, but it can also trigger why the breakup happened in the first place,” she says. “This can rekindle old unhealed wounds and further unhealthy relationship patterns. “
Reasons You Need To Stop Comparing Yourself To His Ex
Sure, they might have saved a platonic relationship — or maybe he’s keeping in touch in case things don’t work out with you. Sometimes guys see exes as safety nets.
Maybe we’d all be better off unfollowing our exes on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, especially when they post hot selfies that we keep knocking. But a complete digital freeze isn’t always something a man wants to do. You see, a block or unfollow can create post-hookup drama, and it can also make things even more awkward when you have mutual friends.
“Depending on the relationship with an ex, liking their social media post can be a way to keep in touch with old ways, or it can just be an expression of friendship,” says Klow. “It would be important to know how the relationship ended.”
It’s totally understandable if it’s a little bitter, but if it’s saltier than #SaltBae and goes out of its way to talk about how much it’s imbibed, sound the alarm. Maybe he’s trying to remind himself why he’s not with her in an attempt to convince himself he’s better off.
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Here’s what some guys do when they want to get back at their ex. They go into competitive mode by unofficially racing their ex to see who can reach #RelationshipGoals status first. This can be anxiety-driven, Klow says, and it’s a game you don’t want to win.
Or “She was always texting other people while we were having dinner.” Head for the hills. It might sound like a compliment, but it’s comparing you to him. And you have to run. anxiety because he’s still caught up in the past and hasn’t resolved aspects of that relationship,” Klow said.
This inside joke about Taylor Swift was probably funny in 2013, but at this point it’s embarrassing for anyone who sees it. She should have gotten rid of him, returned him, or, as it were, set him on fire. However, Greer says people often keep souvenirs from past relationships for keepsakes, so it’s not always a sign that he’s not over his ex — but it could be. Have a conversation about why he feels the need to hold onto these memories, Greer said. It’s entirely possible he sees it as a reminder of a fun time, Klow said — or he could be clinging to the past.
Generally when you break up with someone, you stop together with their family. But if he says he’s still close with his ex’s parents — despite “he doesn’t talk to my ex at all.” I’m going to go ahead and get real: maybe there’s a part of him that hopes this will keep them connected. Although it is possible that he is over his ex and likes some of her family members, Greer said.
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It’s also important if he has children with his ex—that makes a little more sense, Klow says. It may be worth discussing as your relationship becomes more serious.
Again, if you’re concerned about your boyfriend’s relationship with his ex or how he’s talking about her now, it’s important to talk about it. “The important thing to do is open a respectful, calm and honest dialogue about the reasons and questions that drive those negative feelings and concerns,” said Cilona. It’s entirely possible that he doesn’t understand how much his actions bother you – and how they happen. Together, I hope you find a happy medium.
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This article was co-authored by Philip Glickman, PsyD. Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Director of Wellness Way Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and the Financial District of New York City. He specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, anxiety treatment and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a fellow of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from the University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from the City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University.
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Do you think about your boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend(s)? Do you play their relationship in your mind like a movie? Do you feel threatened by the fact that your partner is sharing his life with another woman? These feelings are not unique to you, they are a very common occurrence in many women. Constantly obsessing over your loved one’s past can be a debilitating and stressful activity. This guide will help you stop these thoughts and help you build a better relationship.
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This article was co-authored by Philip Glickman, PsyD. Dr. Philip Glickman is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Director of Wellness Road Psychology with two locations in Dobbs Ferry and New York City’s Financial District. He specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness techniques, anxiety treatment and life coaching. Dr. Glickman is a fellow of the American Psychological Association. He holds a BA in Criminology and Psychology from the University of Maryland College Park and an MA in Forensic Psychology from the City University of New York. Dr. Glickman also holds a PsyD in School and Community Psychology from Hofstra University. This article has been viewed 401,086 times. We use cookies to do good. By using our website, you accept our cookies policy. Cookie settings
This article was co-authored by Tasha Rube, LMSW. Tasha Rube is a licensed social worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.
Determining if your partner is still in love with their ex can take some trickery. If you are suspicious of your partner’s feelings, notice if he talks a lot about his partner or constantly compares you to him. Additionally, you should look for big red flags as your partner is close to your ex
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