Datinghow To Survive Dating A First Responder
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Have you started dating a police officer and you don’t know what to expect? Here are the top 5 things you need to know about your new LEO beau.
Datinghow To Survive Dating A First Responder
Maybe you just met and hit it off, maybe you’ve been friends for a while and started an affair. In any case, it seems that a new person has appeared in your life.
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Well, first of all, congratulations! New novels are always so exciting. Dating a man in uniform has its perks (he looks hot in his uniform, right?) but dating a cop is definitely more than the average joe.
I get a lot of emails from people who start dating someone in law enforcement. They are a bit worried about what they are getting into and want to know if I have any advice.
And I totally understand! You may know things here and there, you may even have been friends with him before, but you realize that you are reaching a whole new level.
Of course you meet him – but you also get to know his department. I mean, not in a weird way. They are just a package deal, and you have every right to take it seriously.
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So if you want to know what you’re doing with your new man, here’s a quick and dirty guide to the top five things you need to know.
5 things you need to know about dating a police officer You will have to learn to be very flexible and independent.
If you’re used to a relationship with any level of stability (tacos on Tuesdays, dates every Friday), take a deep breath. That is not the case in this relationship.
Between night shifts, unexpected late shifts, overtime and occasional shifts, your police officer is very busy. Even when he’s not at work, the thrill of police work makes him want to immerse himself in a video game or sometimes fall asleep.
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While I’m not saying let him slack off on the relationship, it’s important to understand how crazy it is to demand his work. Even for women, they begin to feel as if they are sharing their husband with a second wife. Try loosening it up a bit – and hey, you might find out how much you enjoy those video games too!
But most importantly, work on making the most of your alone time. If this thing goes too far, you’ll need to be able to adapt to all the crazy situations that come up. And the upside is that you start to enjoy your alone time!
When you’re driving around with your cop, he might constantly complain about the drivers around him, saying things like, “I pulled them over too fast” and “their tags are expired.”
When you are in a restaurant If you get the “Tactical Advantage” seat wrong, it will move you or you are constantly flapping. And the tables in the middle of the restaurant don’t happen at all.
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Oh, and when you’re in the store and you think he’s right next to you and start talking to him, but you look and he’s not there? Maybe he ran to a different lane because he didn’t want the detainee to see you with him.
Although it can be annoying at times, I know I appreciate his constant vigilance for our family’s safety. If something goes wrong, I estimate that I wasted 0.2 seconds to move to another seat in the same restaurant because he is more helpful than me in this situation. Hands down.
And if I have to occasionally chat about expired cards, that’s a sacrifice I have to make.
Cops don’t always like to talk about their day. So you say “hey honey how was your day?” A completely normal, harmless question, on the wrong day, they can take as an attack – because they had a terrible day.
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For example, not just “it was busy” or “I got stuck in traffic”, but “I saw something I will never forget, it changed who I am as a person”. Something like that.
You have to learn to let them process things at their own pace. In the end, get comfortable with not always knowing what he’s eating. Although communication is important in a relationship, in this relationship you will need to understand that certain topics of conversation should be taken lightly or discussed later.
Sometimes people just fade away. Whether it’s an armchair who thinks they can do a better job or a nagging woman who calls you “just my girlfriend”, there will be some rare people in life who annoy you.
Do your best to be like a duck – get as much drama off your back as possible. Other people’s unhappiness will often have nothing to do with you and their problems. So don’t make them your problems!
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When these situations arise, unfollow people/pages/groups on Facebook (or unfollow/connect/delete yourself if necessary), avoid bullies and focus on good people instead of looking at because even if the negatives are higher, there are still good people around.
I’m not saying this life is easy. In fact, there are many things that will motivate you to run for the hills. And no amount of sexy uniforms can replace a lot.
But you know what fills it? Being with someone who makes your heart flutter and sets your soul on fire. Someone who will love you with everything he has, who will love you as much as he can. Who knows your imperfections and loves you anyway.
When is this person going to be a rough and tough cop willing to put his life on the line for anyone, especially you and your future children? This is just the icing on the top.
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Although this life can be really hard, really hard, really lonely, it’s all about: if it’s right for you, it’s all worth it.
You will understand it! In the meantime, enjoy the excitement of the early stages – and know that it only gets better from here.
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Welcome, I’m so glad you found your way here. Whether you are a police, fire, corrections, dispatch, nurse, doctor, emergency services, search and rescue, paramedic, social work, mental health professional, family first responder or organization that provides services to victims… you belong.
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Your job is a family vocation. I am well aware of the unique challenges that first responder families face; I have been the wife of a police detective for 20 years and a mental health therapist for 22 years. We have experienced operative and secondary stress injuries in our family.
I believe the greatest resource for us to thrive in this lifestyle is our family and our relationships with other people. I hope you can find a community of first responders to support you or resources to strengthen your relationships at the Resilience Academy.
It is my joy to work with first responder organizations and families through counseling, coaching and education to support you to not only survive, but thrive.
Meditation has helped over 100 first responder families keep calm and go with the flow!
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